Why

Here I an, 61 years old and I have many whys. Why does there have to be so much fighting in the world? Why do people have to die of dreaded diseases? Why does God take good people and leave the rotten ones to dwell on this earth. Why do I have to have diabetes and take shots everyday? Why does Carroll have to have Osier Webber Syndrome? Why can’t my Mother love me? Am I a lot like my Dad? She accused me of it several times. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? She hated my Dad and still does. I never heard my Dad said one-thing bad about Mom. The only thing he said is he didn’t understand how she could treat her daughters the way she did. My Grandmother Lockart wasn’t like that. She was the lovingest person I know. She made all of us grandchildren feel so special. Uncle Paul told me one time that I was the apple of Grandma’s eye. Nevertheless, we (23 grandchildren) all were. Why can’t Mom call and just ask if we are ok instead of pretending to know we are ok. Teresa told her that Carroll was having surgery on his nose again, so she knows, but why can’t she just call and ask about him. She has never called us about anything. But she did make one trip to the hospital to see Carroll when he was hurt falling off the boat. She doesn’t really know him or my stepchildren and grandchildren. She knows only what people tell her. Jeannie cried when she was dying and wanted to know why mom didn’t love her, why she didn’t call. Jeannie said, “What did I do “? I tried to reassure her that we didn’t do anything to be treated like that, it was just Mom‘s way. Which sucks? I would like to knock some sense into her head but it wouldn’t help? She had five daughters not just one. Why couldn’t Carol offer her condolence to Angie and Keri when Rick died? Why wasn’t I invited to Carol’s wedding to Perry? The rest of my sibling were. Too many whys. I thought your family was supposed to be the most important thing in the world. I know mine is and my extended families like cousins. Aunts, Uncles and close friends. I can’t imagine not talking to my kids at least once a week. Toots and I talk about every other day. Travis does not talk to me as often or me to him. He was complaining about Angie’s mom talking several times a day. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with that. I told him maybe I should call more often and he said oh no, Mom, you’re just right. However, this man of few words does get wordy occasionally and will talk on the phone to me for 45 min. When he does talk, he has important things to say. One thing I know is that my children, grandchildren, nieces and nephew love me unconditionally and I love them with all my heart. That is what makes my world go around in my world of Whys.